How to Crush Joy–or Savor It…

Delsie Hoyt makes beautiful art-quality braided rugs. They are a joy to see! She also teaches rug braiding. She says it makes her chuckle when students bring their project to her, often in tears, to show some terrible mistake they have made, some wrong twist somewhere along the line—and now their project is ruined. Ruined! Delsie throws the rug on the floor so the whole thing is visible. “Can you see that now?”

The answer is generally No.

Once we step back into a wider perspective, things tend to even out.

As humans, we tend to orient towards any potential threat–we get so used to that, we will invent one when we can’t find any. I recently piloted the class How to Dance (or Speak) for the Camera. Over the course of the class, folks became much more confident and skilled in their on-camera interactions. It was a real pleasure to witness! We met every other week; folk also received two personal sessions to use as they wished (from SE work to resolve anxiety to practical coaching on tech issues). Participants practiced with the group and developed strategies for their particular approaches.

One of the most important parts of the work was feedback on the practice presentations. The only feedback allowed was avid attention, enthusiastic applause, and things we liked about the presentation. Yep, that was it. And it’s harder than it sounds. Not the giving–there are so many wonderful things to notice when we look for them. It’s the receiving that is hard.

Savor Joy

Who among us can take a compliment?

I mean, really hear it, savor it, let it sink in? It’s kinda hard, right? We are so used to being told what’s wrong. Where we need work. How to improve. We’ve been conditioned to think we need that. We mistrust compliments. We want brutal honesty.

What, compliments are inherently dishonest?

What about kind honesty?

I have taught English composition at the college level for 25 years. I teach students how to write papers. One term, I got a note from a student who thanked me. She said, You are the only English teach in my entire life who ever complimented my writing. I kept that note on my office wall to remind me what’s important. Kindness. Positive reinforcement. A focus on what’s good. Because when I do that, I see student work improve.

I find it in dance as well.

And I found it in that camera class. Creating a safe space for students to play, to try new things, made a difference. A big difference. So I, too, chuckled when folks came to their personal session asking me to actually critique their work. Like what was wrong, needed work, improvement, and so forth.

Thus, I was delighted when a friend mentioned this article, The Case Against Critical Feedback (Thank you Sajia!). The article starts with,

Earlier this year, I took a writing workshop where one of the chief rules was no negative or even constructively critical feedback. This was odd to me, as I’ve always enjoyed constructive feedback and felt it improved my writing. But I went with the new method, and the effect was nothing short of transformational. It felt like magic: as if by one wave of a wand, my writers block was gone.

Lauren D. Woods

I gotta say, I am with Lauren Woods on this. It is so easy to crush joy and enthusiasm, and soooo hard to get it back. We find this in dance alll the time, people’s joy in dance crushed by negative feedback, by making into WORK something that is meant to be FUN.

I recently assisted at a year-long Somatic Experiencing training. Assistants sit in on student sessions to help hold the container and create a safe space. We also give feedback. We talk about what we liked. And we ask afterwards, how was it for you to hear that? Why do we do this? People have to make mistakes in order to learn. People are reasonably smart, and most of them learn by observing. So we let them make mistakes and learn through doing. It’s surprisingly effective.

So all those things you feel guilty about because you should be doing better? Should be entirely perfect? Throw them on the floor. Step back into a wider perspective. Look at what you HAVE done. What IS working.

Look at you! You’ve survived, all this time!

This is nothing short of a miracle.

Celebrate your life. Your strength. Your resilience. All that you have been, done, and all that crap that’s been done to you. Yet here you are. Reading this.

Take a moment and let that sink in.

You are beautiful. You are loved.

Say it with me:

I am Alive.

I am Real.

Let that sink in, too.

With respect, appreciation, and love,

Alia

PS Thank you for supporting the Bundle, and my work through the Bundle. I appreciate your choice.

Three Ways to Nurture our Souls in Challenging Times

Once upon a time, I said something cutting about someone who had never done anything cruel to me or that I knew of. She was only awkward and a little odd (which could easily describe myself). To my horror, she then emerged from a bathroom stall. Our eyes met.

She had recently been praised. I suppose I was jealous. I was old enough to know better. I did know better. I could do better. I vividly recall that moment, decades ago. So I applied myself to doing better. I became more thoughtful in what I said.

But over time, I discovered I had a much bigger problem: the persistent twist of shame, of self-loathing that berated me endlessly not just for one thoughtless comment (fueled by the same self-loathing), but for everything.

From the way I looked to whatever I said or did, those inner voices found fault with me. They inspired a morbid fear of making mistakes, of being found out, of admitting to mistakes, of pretty much everything. Everything was a threat, and I was helpless, frozen with fear.

It wasn’t until I had some respite from those voices (thank you, acupuncture), that I realized they were lies–a symptom of imbalance.

Over time, I found things that helped me feel more grounded, more confident, and more self-loving. The more compassionate I become with myself, the more resilience I have, and the more I am able to cope with challenging times.

And wow, do we have some challenging times!

A plague, systemic racism, the fascism in our government, economic uncertainty, alllll our buttons are getting pushed every day–and all these things are so hard to pin down. We feel helpless in the face of half a dozen inescapable and existential threats. Our bodies become unsettled, anxious, edgy, frozen, exhausted, and many other unhappy things. Our souls become sad, burdened, lost.

So here are three ways to feel more solid, more grounded, more real–and how our dance can help.

1. Improvisation

The basis of improvisation is following our physical impulses. In response to threats, our bodies want to move, to fight or run–but where can we go? What can we hit? Those self-defensive impulses get stuck in our joints. When we improvise, we let our bodies move as they wish, we can let strange physical impulses express themselves. When we use Slow Movement and Rhythmic Breath, even angry impulses can be safely expressed.

2. Self Compassion

When we improvise, sometimes those self-negative thoughts follow us and yell at us about what we are doing as we improvise. The Rhythmic Breath helps to still them, but we can also practice Self Compassion. This means being kind to ourselves, treating ourselves like someone we actually like, someone we care about. Here is a Self-Compassion Quiz. It’s worth taking. It’s worth just being nicer and more gentle with ourselves, as artists and as human beings. The world will go on turning. We will not suddenly turn into malignant narcissists. Our work will get better in the long run. We might become happier, but oh well. I think we can all live with that ; )

3. Somatic (Body) Awareness

This is the big one. It goes along with, and is a conduit to the above two options. Too often as dancers we ignore our bodies and tell them what to do. Making space to listen, acknowledge, and honor our bodies’ sensations is a real game-changer.

It was through such methods that my old old patterns finally began to shift–to change. And stay that way. Last time we talked about Sitting with Discomfort–this is part of that. As we learn to observe, to be curious about the physical sensations that arise in our bodies in response to challenge, to follow them as they morph, shift, and finally resolve, we–our bodies–become more grounded, settled, and clear. It’s a remarkable, simple, gentle practice.

“Few skills are more essential than the ability to settle your body.
If you can settle your body, you are more likely to be calm, alert and fully present, no matter what is going on around you.
A settled body enables you to harmonize and connect with other bodies around you, while encouraging those bodies to settle as well.
A calm, settled body is the foundation for health, for healing, for helping others and for changing the world…”

— Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands (this is one of the most loving and lovely books I’ve read on undoing systemic racism)

The world may not suddenly change around us. But our inner world will change. And that will change the way we interact with the outer world, and our ability to survive challenge with our our souls intact.

I still regret what I said about that girl so long ago. But now I offer her waves of love and compassion, which benefits us both (instead of hating myself, which does no good for anyone).

And I offer the opportunity to learn the strategies that I learned, to have the help that I had.

Tuning In–Medicine for Modern Times
Five Weeks, August 7 – September 4.  Fridays, 4-4:30 PM ET
This half-hour class comes from a Somatic Experiencing® (SE) perspective. It’s is a half-hour chillout session focused on nervous system regulation. It is designed to ease anxiety and restore wellbeing. We use gentle movement, breath, and body-based strategies to bring calm in the here and now. These strategies can be used any time to help the body feel more relaxed and grounded. 

I look forward to dancing with you!
All my love,
Alia

PS remember, we have a coronavirus summer special on all Teachable courses.
Coupon code: SUMMERCORONACARE
Click the course you want. Click “Enroll in Course,”
Add coupon on the next screen.

What is your Buried Treasure?

There is a Rumi poem, Book Beauty, in which a woman wants to be beautiful, so she take pages from the Qur’an, wets them, and mashes them into a paste, with which she then covers her face. She does this because the words of the Qur’an are beautiful, so if she puts them on her face, then she too would be beautiful.

Ouch.

It is so desperate and tragic, that image. But it reminds me of all the things I have put on myself in an effort to feel more beautiful, more attractive, from clothes and make up to a new costume, in hopes that this would do the trick, and I would be beautiful.

 

Just like she did.

We have been shortchanged by our society. We have few venues in which to revel in our beauty. If we admit to feeling beautiful, we are promptly struck down. We are fed a steady diet of airbrushed images designed to crush our sense of self-worth.

To be beautiful, we must consume. We have to shop and find the right dress. We have to go to workshops and learn more moves and work harder and be better. We never get to just be.

Except here. This dance and this practice reconnect us to our beauty and power. When we are in the moment, alive, eternal, we feel it. We feel the lineage of dancers before us.

We feel our connection to the Divine.

Our worth, our beauty, our power, they don’t come from things we buy to cover up our true selves. They come from within. They are treasures gleaming deep within our souls. Oriental dance helps us to find that buried treasure, to dig deep, to sift out our glittering truth, to bask in its soft light. To see and feel our true selves.

We can bring this treasure back with us into everyday life. We can walk this walk every day, everywhere we go.

This is a subversive notion indeed. This is what this our dance is all about. This is our true challenge.

What treasure have you found through dance?

Love,
Alia

PS Music! Taksim Trio live.

 

Extra! Afrodisiac – The Black Bellydance Show
Sunday, May 31, 2020 at 4:30 PM PST  – 7:30 PM EST https://www.facebook.com/events/293035675044702/

Extra: Prince and the Revolution LIVE watch party : at 7pm CST on Thursday, May 14 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRa8ZH_iOXo  follow the link and set a reminder

Extra:  The film “Free Trip to Egypt” will be streamed for free for one day only at 7pm EST Sunday May 17th and will be followed by a Q&A with the creator.  Thank you Amanda! info: https://www.facebook.com/events/1328632977333048/ Tkts: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/watch-the-film-free-trip-to-egypt-for-free-watch-party-in-may-tickets-104654662914

Resilience and Good Cheer with Dance amid CoVid 19

I didn’t send out a newsletter last week. I didn’t do much of anything. So it’s ironic to title this resilience and good cheer–but that is what will save us from this long-term Covid 19 grind.

I’m glad I’m in VT where people are taking this stay-home order seriously.

I’m hopeful my friends and fam–including you! take steps to protect themselves and say healthy. I’m sending out healing energy to the world.

I’m concerned about the levels of fear folks are experiencing. I attended an Artist’s Story Circle last week with dozens of other Vermont artists (virtually, of course). One of the prime takeaways was a commitment to “be a clear conduit for the reduction of fear.” I am down with that.

And I am very grateful for the three-year Somatic Experiencing® (SE) training I have recently completed for helping me stay stable and grounded and giving me the tools to help others do so as well. 

resilien

We are in the midst of what is known as an Existential Threat. We can’t see it or touch it. We can’t fight or flee. So we hunker down, alone in our homes, and try to live normal lives. Many of us are stuck with too many people needing too much from us. Soothing or caring for others is exhausting. Many others are alone and afraid. Many of us are still going to work every day, many struggling with child care, often not allowed to wear a mask. When will all this end?

No time soon. I’m guessing we’ve at least another month to go.

There are positive signs. Vermont’s caseload is leveling out. There were crocuses in the yard this week. I went shopping today, and found everything on my list at ONE store–a small, local family-owned store–and lots of people were wearing masks. I thanked every worker I passed for making food available. Each time it made me cry. Each person said, “You’re welcome.” And they meant it.

But still, we all know someone by now who we will never see again in this lifetime. And we have to wonder who is next. Insha’allah, we will all be careful and stay safe. In the meantime, we need a vacation from the fear and stress.

Dance, of course! In special ways. And more about that next week. But first…

Three Mini Vacations

  1. Soften the tongue. Let the mind go away from the problems at hand. This comes from advice to health workers as they move between patients, even if going within seconds from one to the next. It takes a few seconds to have a mini vacation. We can take hundreds over the course of the day. Just step away from that vortex of anxiety and go to your happy place.
  2. Orient. Use all five senses. Notice that you are safe in your space right this moment. Let yourself relax.
    Look. Take a moment to let the gaze wander around your space. Let the eyes rest upon whatever give them pleasure. They get stuck on that crack or water stain? Look somewhere nice. Don’t have anywhere nice? Draw or write something and put it up on the wall.
    Listen. What do you hear? What are the near sounds? What are the far sounds?
    Smell, Taste.
    Touch. Feel your hand on your own arm. Feel your clothes on your body. Feel your feet on the floor. Be in the present moment.
  3. Notice your Breath. Are you breathing? I invite you to deepen your breath. Lengthen your exhales. Long exhales lower the heart rate and help the body feel calmer and more grounded. And feeling grounded is key.

Why do this? We are not made to exist in a state of constant tension. Yet many of us live our lives this way. And now the unthinkable has crashed down upon us. Now is the time to learn to make a space between ourselves and things that are not actually physically attacking us right this moment.

Look around. Right here, right now, it’s okay.

With lots of love,
Alia
And here’s some truly lovely music: Anouar Brahem a Coutances

Offerings for fun and frolic!

Tuning In

I’ve been making a new program to help us cope. It’s called Tuning In. We tune in to our body, to the here and now, to our own trust and compassion and vitality. It’s a mini vacation, a half hour of grounding, focusing to the good, and various strategies to help us chill out and feel better, any time at all. Look for this opening up next week.

The Fun Class

Fun Classes are ongoing with special pandemic pricing (sliding scale and by donation). This is a live Zoom video class anyone can join.

Zoom Secrets

Want to make your own Zoom video classes? Learn how with Alia’s Zoom Secrets! I invite you to check it out.

How to Dance Away Body Shame​

The 90 Days is going well. Already many folks have found it easier to improvise, to dance for 20 minutes, and to enter a zone of presence and calm. Here is on of this year’s Love Notes I thought you might like. 

How to Dance Away Body Shame​

Many years ago at Ahlan wa Sahlan, I took a class on dance from Siwa. One of the steps was a cute little skippy side step—with a twist. Not a physical twist, but a mental one.

The step was done facing away from the guests, and the intention was to show off the dancer’s, um, behind. Our intention was to show off our luscious rear end, to put our attention there and to feel and convey how juicy and nice it was.

 

How to Dance Away Body Shame

Frankly, this was the first time in my life I ever did this. And I was not young at the time. My relationship to my rear end (and a few other body parts), was problematic to say the least. But Lo!

It was SO FUN. And naughty and liberating and mischievous!

It was so fun that later on I did some experiments. I chose troublesome body parts (ones I generally hide), and danced as though they were the most beautiful, glorious, delicious body parts in the world.

Mmmmmmm ; )

Imagine a body part you hide—with clothes, costuming, etc—or wish you could.

In your practice, I invite you to let it be the leader, the most beautiful and lush. Display it with gratitude, pride, and delight.

Today was sunny, the snow was melting, and the day was so much longer! Let’s dance renewal and rebirth, too.

With our newly luscious body parts ; )

Love,
Alia

Music: Here’s Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue

And here’s a long version of Summertime

And here’s a great venue in which to flaunt your body parts! ; )
March into the Spotlight: Bring Basic Belly Dance Back Challenge​
March 1-14 2020

  • Dance for fun, no costume or fancy setup. 
  • Video yourself. 
  • Post the vid on FB or Insta.
  • Hashtag with #basicbellydancerchalleng
  • Use the hashtag to find other videos.
  • Watch everyone else’s videos and they will watch yours!


It’s free, fun, and fabulous. Plus you can win prizes!
I’ll be doing it–I hope you will too!
I’ll be doing pop-up live streaming of my dances via zoom–if you’d like to be part of that, join here: remind.com/join/raqsalia​​

March into the Spotlight: Bring Basic Belly Dance Back Challenge




Why is Agency the Soul of Belly Dance (and how do we find it)?

Qualities-of-Oriental-Dance

Whatever Lola Wants is a fun film about about an American postal worker (Lola), who falls for an Egyptian man, and, when he returns home, follows him to Egypt. In the meantime, another friend sets her to find the reclusive belly dance star Asmahan, who disappeared from public view following a mysterious scandal.

Spoiler alert: Lola finds Asmahan, who reluctantly agrees to teach Lola to dance.  In general, the dancing is nothing special, but there is a great scene where Asmahan explains the heart of the dance. She tells a frustrated Lola that she will not demonstrate moves because, “You are not me. I can’t teach you how to be yourself. … Take that energy and use it. Use everything you are living. Don’t run from your feelings.” We are meant to honor our own feeling. We are meant to make the dance our own. 

Agency is key

We are not meant to be little dance clones, copying someone else. We are meant to celebrate our unique, beautiful, individual selves, with our own power and agency. This focus on dancer agency–the dancer making their own choices, following their own intuition in the moment–is built in to the dance. Here is a list of cultural values I wrote for Midnight at the Crossroads.

Qualities of Oriental Dance: It's all about AGENCY 

I combine these with three principles (which became the three sections of the book): The Feeling in the Moment; Different Every Time; and Bring the Joy.

To become a wonderful dancer, to approach the true soul of the dance, we must find our own way. 

But how do we do that? 

We have to look, experiment, make mistakes, and experiment some more. It helps to be willing to let go of being perfect, flawless, always right. Learning is about messiness. It is about making mistakes. It is about curiosity and discovery. 

This is the purpose of the 90 Day Dance Party. 

We 90 Days to experiment and discover, to be curious about our body’s wisdom, to learn how we personally feel the music–we have time to actually feel the music, to discover our own body’s response to it. 

And there is a further magic that happens as we dare to touch into the body, to notice our own physical sensations, to be curious about how they shift and change.

Healing

Most of us are pretty stressed out these days, amirite? We are over-scheduled and under-resourced. The news is harrowing. We run as fast as we can just to stay in the same place. This adds up. It’s like being splashed with mud every day and never getting a chance to wash it off, day after mont after year.

The 90 Days is like a lovely bath, soothing, relaxing, and healing. Allowing the body to express itself undoes the knots of tension. The 20 minutes gives the brain and body a rest from all the daily cares. This adds up, too. It adds up to self-compassion, groundedness, resilience, and–dare I say it? Joy. 

So where do we start? Someone (Hi, Dawnie!) once described the 90 Days as “a series of magical signposts that point in different directions for each person.”  What do we do with that?

It helps to have a guide

That would be me ; ). 

This is why we have weekly video calls. This is why we have the Bonus Pack of Joy, with daily interaction. So folks can ask questions and get answers–so each of us can find out own way to our true self, our true dance. Personal style isn’t about endless copying. It’s about interior discovery and valuing ourselves. Yes, we need the basic vocabulary. But we also need basic self-love and respect. We need confidence. We need a place to make mistakes so we can discover our ability to recover from them gracefully. 

To celebrate the upcoming 90 Days, I’m including a Love Note each week.

Here is the very first Love Note from the very first 90 Day Dance Party. 

D1 Mindsets

Today we begin. Today we gather up our gilded inspiration, put the music on to play, and ascend into the heavens. We breathe, and move, and become one with the music.

For some of us, this will be easy. We have practiced it many times before. For some of us, this may be more difficult. This may be the first time we have ever tried. We may yearn for this state, yet be convinced we will never get there. We expect to fail.

This note is for you.

There are skills and there are talents. Talents you are born with. Maybe you have good hearing. Or steady hands. Or a beautiful face. Lucky you.

Skills we learn. We figure out how to do something, and we practice until we can do it well. Someone with a wonderful voice who doesn’t bother to develop it may not sing as well as someone with a decent voice who learns and trains. Someone with a beautiful face who frowns and sneers will be less attractive than someone with a plain face who consciously adopts a warm, friendly expression.

Letting go of the scurrying, thinking brain and tuning in to the intuitive side is a skill we can learn. But first we must realize it is possible. This belief in our ability to solve problems and to learn new things is called a “Growth Mindset.” The belief that one’s talents and intelligence are limited and can’t be changed is a “Fixed Mindset.” Carol Dweck, the Stanford professor who pioneered this research, has found that these mindsets can be changed.

Knowing that intelligence is malleable frees us to stop proving ourselves and start enjoying our experiments. If it is an experiment, there is no failure—you do an experiment to see what happens.

Today, it’s just an experiment. The outcome doesn’t matter. There will always be tomorrow. And the next day. The less the outcome matters, the more enjoyment you can have in the moment. And enjoying the moment is what life— and improvisation—is all about.

*****
The 90 day Dance Party.
We start Feb 16. Come join us. Come find yourself. Come find the treasure within yourself. It’s there. It has been waiting for you all this time. 

Love, 
Alia

How to Focus on the Good (to feel stronger and take action)

Last week, I inadvertently gave the impression that we should all turn off, tune out, and stop caring about the cruelty going on in the world. This was not my intent. I apologize for having done so.  

I am concerned with the levels of overwhelm that swamp so many folks. There is a lot of bad news, and many of us feel powerless against the rising tide. This is why I stopped posting bad news and started posting good news, news about people who had made a difference. Because we can all make a difference. But marinating in misery doesn’t really help us do that.  

Focusing on the good helps us step out of overwhelm.

Focusing on the good helps us have the space to take action. Taking action helps us make a difference. Even a small difference makes a big difference.

My small way of taking action has been to learn about trauma and how to heal it. My model of choice has been Somatic Experiencing (SE). I just completed their truly splendid three-year training program.  Soon, I will be certified as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. 

I’m pleased with what I have accomplished. But I’m more pleased with now having the tools and skills to help folks come back into their bodies. Into theirselves. Into their lives.

Trauma is a killer.

Most of the cases of depression on the list below are trauma-related.

There is a picture here worth seeing

Most of us have suffered challenging experiences whose effects still drag on us. Many toxic elements of the current global situation (not to mention our life experiences) are extremely challenging. They won’t stop. So we have to stop them from eating us alive.

We do this by creating safe spaces for ourselves.

We do this by consciously becoming aware of moments when we are not under attack. Feeling the sensation of safety.  Sometimes it may amount to sticking our fingers in our ears and singing La la la. Or reading a trashy novel. It’s a start. 

Yes, we can live in a constant state of overwhelm. Sort of. But it’s exhausting and unhealthy. When we feel stronger and more stable, we can do more, take more action, be there for ourselves, our children, and generally, the world. So it makes sense. 

Focus on the good. 

Focus on what works.

And take some action. Pick something. Just one thing. It can be very, very small. It still makes a difference. Taking action feels good, too. 

One of the greatest goods in my life is Oriental dance. It has so many built-in elements that help release stress and trauma! These elements are strongest in our improvisation. I’ll be featured Friday on the BellyDance Bundle’s new podcast Yallah Raqs talking about Improvisation, and included in their Instagram 21 Days of Practice Challenge (along with many other great teachers!).

Plus!

I’m pleased to offer a short series of live, online Fun Classes. 

They focus on–fun! Having fun with dance. 

FUN classes are live online (video) classes designed for FUN for all levels. They are primarily follow-me, improv-strong classes with some combinations, technique, and a Dancemeditation section for stress release and joy. 

Each class is recorded. The recording is available for one week only, then replaced by the next recording. We use zoom for the classes and Teachable to host the streamable recordings.

Let’s set aside one hour a week to marinate in joy. 

6-Week session starts Thursday, Oct 17 at 7PM Eastern time.  Sign up here. I would love to see you!

 

With all my love, 
Alia

 

 

 

 

How to Make Big Changes, Fast

I read fantasy novels and play solitaire on my phone. A lot. I didn’t used to. Well, partly because I didn’t have a smart enough phone. But it was more than that. It started in the last year of caretaking my mother. 

I don’t know if you have ever cared for someone with severe dementia.  It’s stressful. Especially when it is your own family. It’s one of the most stressful things I have ever done, and it went on for years.

Because my mom could not be left alone, when we were at home, I was pretty much next to her. All the time. While she talked. Incessantly. Unless I had music or the TV on (and often, even when I did). And she expected me to listen. But none of it made sense. At all.

Yeah.

To cope, I resorted to the reading and solitaire. I even started playing audio books in the car. Thank god for the library!

This was fine. It helped. I could be there, yet be somewhere else. All good, right?

But it’s been over two years since she went into the nursing home,  and I’m still doing it.

Somehow my coping strategy became ingrained. I had become habituated to this constant input. And when I was stressed, it skyrocketed. 

I was no longer comfortable just being with myself.



Once I realized this, I began taking steps. I made myself read print materials. Restricted my solitaire time. Still, the compulsion of the screen was kinda scary. And hours went by…

The other day, I mentioned to Eva,  my Somatic Experiencing (SE) therapist, that I used to be so content to just hang out with my own thoughts, and now I couldn’t.

(You all know I’m training to be an SE practitioner. In fact, the final leg of my training is next week. I’m very excited about this. SE trauma resolution is one of the best things I have ever done for myself, and the training is splendid. In fact, I just arrived in California for the last leg of my three-year program!)

She asked me to imagine just being present with myself. I felt an immediate clutch of alarm, a constriction in my chest and throat.

She asked what words went along with that. All I had was a fearful gasp.

Okay then.

She had me track these sensations, which means to notice them and observe how they evolve.

Trauma happens when we perceive ourselves to be in danger and unable to defend ourselves. Our defensive impulses become trapped in the body, which can prevent the nervous system from settling itself afterwards. SE helps these trapped impulses to discharge, so the nervous system  can reset.

I reported their progress, and soon a wave of pulsing tingling in my hands and feet signaled some resolution. My eyes began orienting (looking around the room). This all happened in the first 15 minutes of the session.

For the next 45 minutes, I continued to experience waves of activation and settling. Eva just let me keep going, occasionally asking a question, or pointing out some shift in my affect.

Whatever I had been holding was very, very big.

By the end I felt relaxed and happy, but almost woozy. Eva had me walk a straight line before she let me go, and I spent another 10 minutes just walking around the block before getting in my car.

I had lunch and didn’t need to read while I did it.

I drove home (2 hours) and didn’t need to listen to an audiobook.

I woke up in the morning and didn’t need to play solitaire. 

I’m on a bus to the airport and writing this because I don’t feel like reading.

Did I read some? Sure. Did I play some solitaire? Sure. Did I feel driven to? Nooo. Wild, right?

Will it last? Probably. SE is amazing. When trauma is gone, it’s gone.

I’m also glad I am about to be away for 2 weeks, as the activity will help to soften the habit. And that I’ll be at my training, as those are always uplifting.

I’m particularly looking forward to this one, as we’ll be learning SE Touch, which is very, very interesting. Once I’m certified, I plan to do a whole ‘nother year-long training in SE Touch Skills. Very exciting.

SE is gentle, and it works. Many challenges evaporate in one session. Some take longer. Life is complex. But SE helps. Its helped me, and folks I know who’ve done it. A lot.

Oriental dance, especially in the Sufi-based system from which I teach, incorporates a lot of trauma resolution principles. And SE turbocharges that process.

As we become more skilled at resetting the nervous system, we become calmer and more resilient in general.

So I have been pleased to incorporate SE into my dance coaching. It’s been very effective for dancers, around confidence, fears, procrastination, improvisation, and so forth.

I’m also pleased to be offering coaching at a special rate.

But what is coaching, exactly?

Coaching is largely about process. Unlike, critique, which is an assessment of strengths and weaknesses, coaching helps us uncover our roadblocks–in life as well as dance–and resolve them.

Is video scary? Trouble making practice a habit? Consumed by self-doubt or judgement? Stuck on a creative project? Stuck in general? Just feeling blah and uninspired? Coaching helps resolve all these issues and more besides.

I’m offering both individual and small group coaching this fall.

Small group coaching comes in the Artists’ Creative Expressions (ACE) Mastermind. In these Zoom.us group video sessions, participants identify their goals and we create processes to meet them, with group support and accountability. You will find more information on the ACE page.

Individual coaching offers an intensive focus on your personal process. This includes SE sessions. We start with a free video call to meet and discuss your wishes, then decide a time for our session. Sessions are conducted via Zoom video meetings. More information is here.

I hope that one of these offerings resonates for you. If you’d like to chat about what might be right for you, email me and we will make a time to talk.

I look forward to our conversation!


With all my love,
Alia

What is the Most Terrifying Thing in Belly Dance? (and how do we tame it?)

terrified dancer

Well, maybe it’s a tie with improvisation, but see what you think ; )

A friend of mine had a terrible disaster fall upon her. Several, actually. And she had an event to do. She could barely function, but she hosted the event, and she did her show. We, her friends, sat at the tables and sent her so much love. Despite it all, she was beautiful and courageous.

Just as she left the stage, a visiting dancer told her how much better she would look if she brought her shoulders down. Um, yeah. She’d look a lot better if the world hadn’t just taken a big dump on her head, too. But this dancer just had to say her piece. CRASH. Good-bye, all the joy of having done the hard thing.

It’s happened to all of us.

“Your dance would be so much better if you <insert some opinion here>.” It’s not whether they are right or not. It’s the time. And the place. And the agenda. And why is so much importance placed on niggling details–yet the content of the dance is never even mentioned?

Who doesn’t live in in fear of the Dance Police? Sometimes it seems like anyone at any time feels entitled to tell us about our art. And not in a good way. Not to mention the sense of doom we have when we go to watch the video of our latest dance. It’s tough when we have so many things to worry about.

terrified dancer

People generally never learn how to do a proper critique. A proper critique includes productive feedback on strengths and weaknesses. It is kind, honest, and empowering. It is delivered neutrally. It listens to the artist’s vision and helps them accomplish what they want, to say what they want to say.

But when do we get that? Even folks who went to art school (any of the arts), are often critiqued viciously, on purpose, to break them down or make them cry or whatever. And how many of us grew up in homes where everyone pointed out all our flaws? Yeah, me too. So when I started working as a writing teacher, I learned how to critique my students so that their writing actually got better–and they felt good about it.

Poor critique causes unnecessary pain. Productive critique brings encouragement, curiosity, and inspiration. Being subject to anyone’s mean-spirited, cutting critique is terrifying. Learning how to critique well, how to ask for what we need–this is how we tame it.

I see a lot of problems with getting good feedback.

Lots of dancers frustrated because all they got was empty saccharine compliments or snotty remarks about their hair. Or complaints that any useful comments are not sisterly–a notion that quality doesn’t matter, it’s all about sisterhood. Teachers frustrated by trying to help dancers improve, only to be met with hurt feelings and bitterness. Opinions are presented as facts. Dancers feel shamed. A mess, all around.

So I made a class, to teach what I had learned. It’s called…

Focus on the Feeling: How to Get and Give Great Critique

The premise of the course is that Oriental dance has some specific cultural ideals, and these come first. The feeling in the moment, sharing joy, playfulness, and so forth. If those aren’t happening, stop. Work on that. Once those elements are in place, then we may proceed to other layers of the dance.

I collected five models I have found useful into a cohesive whole, with an arc that begins with calling out the good and concludes with the use of rubrics to help us note what’s important and to really see what is there.

Every piece of it is carefully designed to shine light on our art. Not only that, but it teaches dancers how to do productive self-critique (instead of hating on all our perceived flaws ; ). So it’s useful for dancers and students who want to have more nuanced approach to their own dance, and for teachers who want to help their students improve. It’s a win-win!

I feel so strongly about useful critique that I’ve made the early price ridiculously cheap. I spend a good half hour per week on each person on the course. Even if I value my time at $50/hr (which is cheap for a college instructor with over 45 years of experience in the dance), that’s still $300 of my time over the five weeks.

The early price won’t last long. It goes away when 10 seats are filled or Sept 22, whichever comes first. But the benefits of the class? Those last forever.

Imagine feeling good about your dance.

Imagine enjoying video of yourself. Imagine being able to help your friends or students improve–and having them feel good about it. All this can be yours.

I invite you to check it out.

Focus on the Feeling: How to Get and Give Great Critique

Love,
Alia


PS I am selling some Geisha Moth and Melodia dancewear. Have a look!